Tech Naruto
by Janus Tenshin
Summary: When the villagers attack, Naruto is left without chakra channeling capacity. So what is he to do now? Get seals to power the tech he needs to survive. Full summary in Chapter 1.
1. Back To Square One

Hmm… just an idea I had. Since my other computer crashed, my story Rei Tantei has lost a LOT of momentum, but fear not! I downloaded everything straight from my old hard drive and a new chapter might be out (hopefully) reasonably soon. Now, that said, I was just thinking about random stuff I have seen on superhero cartoons while reading "The Art of the Deal" by Case13 and after just watching the movie Ironman, I got to thinking. Reading that fic made me think, since he cannot USE his power in ANY way, perhaps something device or seal could do it for him? The most unpredictable ninja just became the most lethal civilian on earth! Not purely an "Ironman" Naruto, but a Tech Naruto fic. Be expecting a couple of cool things I take from other anime/movies/etc.

PS, I own NOTHING.

"Speech"

'Thoughts'

-----

Most people would think that Sarutobi Hiruzen would be the type of man to put people to sleep by talking. He was an old man and he had a lot of stories to tell. But to the contrary, his stories were very exciting, passionate tales about great heroes and were not boring in the least. The medic in front of him however, had no such stories and was not very passionate and as such, was very boring.

"… causing complete burnout of the…"

Sarutobi sighed, "Takeda-san, could you please make the final point?"

Glancing up, the man said, "The boy will never be able to use chakra in anyway, ever again."

"I sense…"

"The remnants of the demon's chakra, but once it has been used up, the damage it caused to the coils in saving the boy's life has left them destroyed. He will not be able to even channel chakra to enhance his strength or speed. His life as a shinobi is over. Period."

The old man sighed. "Thank you Takeda-san. You are dismissed." His eyes followed the medic out the door and then wandered to his desk where there was a few reports from the boy's condition, ANBU reports about the incident (though somehow the perpetrators were not caught), and a picture of him and the said boy outside a ramen stand with the largest smile on the boy's face. It had been taken earlier that day. As he looked at it, the frame bent and the glass shattered as he gripped the picture tightly. He waved off the ANBU who swirled into the room at the noise and cleaned up the mess. And as soon as the guards were gone he began to cry.

-----

Life was pretty boring for Naruto Uzumaki. Since the… incident, he stayed with the Old Man in the Hokage tower. The Old Man said he needed extra protection as the Hokage or something, but he knew that it was just a pity move for him. They took it. The power that kept him from getting hurt, just as soon as he began to learn how to use it, was taken from him. The Old Man told him why they did what they did. About the Kyuubi. About his father. About his role as a jinchuuriki, the "power of human sacrifice" of his village. Well he was tired of being sacrificed. At least most other sacrifices are just killed and are spared pain, but apparently his sacrifice was to live through it. Well not anymore. His face hardened and his fist clenched. If he was going to be a sacrifice, he was damn well going to do it on his terms.

"Hey jiji… can you tell me how to defend myself? I know that ninja stuff won't work, but can I do anything to just _survive_? I will need to know for when the villagers try again."

Try as he might, Sarutobi could not say no to those eyes… much less those eyes when all of the spark had been taken from them. "Well Naruto, I guess you could learn some styles of hand to hand combat, and some seals that drain ambient chakra for home protection, but there is little more…"

"I'll take it!"

---

The Old Man told him to join a jounin named Gai at a training ground for taijutsu at five in the morning, but Naruto was interested in the book he was given about seals. They could defend his home while he was away, and keep him safe at night! There was even one that diverted attention away from a fixed area, so even if they intended to follow him to his room, they would walk right on by as if he wasn't there! They absorbed chakra that people gave off in everyday life, meaning that he didn't have to worry about having to fill up the "battery" to run them either!

But he knew that it wasn't going to help enough. A ninja career promised pay, and time away from the villagers. It was his ticket out. Now though, news had spread of his condition, and everyone knew that it was practically open season on him. He needed a plan. He needed to make himself untouchable; someone who was needed so badly that no one would hunt him again. What would the village need terribly bad? Or…

What would a _shinobi _village need badly?

---

Naruto knew by heart the basic things that humans needed for life. Some things were needed far sooner than others, which prioritized them.

Air was first with two maximum minutes of consciousness and four minutes until death without it.

Heat was next. Mere hours in a cool place while wet or on a cold night would result in death. Preserving the heat of the body, through clothing or housing was vital.

Water was next, at three days of survival without the liquid of life.

Food was last on the list. As long as the other needs were met, a typical human could last three weeks to a month without food.

Though those things were the maximum times for survival, the health of the body would deteriorate without them.

However, these things were typically handled by the civilian side of the village. Food and water was handled by farmers and grocers, the clothing made by tailors, and housing was built by construction companies. Trying anything in that field was stupid since he had no capital to combat the other companies and make a name for himself.

Shinobi, as a military force, had the same human needs, but needed other things due to their dangerous work. All militaries need the same things to survive. Information was the absolute most vital. If you could not see the enemy, didn't know who the enemy was, or how to fight your opponent, you were finished. Next was deploying the right force to the enemy. Moving your ninja quickly and undetected was a must. Attack was the final component. Having attacks that could damage the enemy, skills that could keep them from attacking you, or skills that would protect you from their attacks was the last and, more often than not, the most focused upon part of a shinobi's training. Ninja around him seemed to try to be destructive powerhouses and then get killed in an ambush or in a trap, or they were never caught by surprise and died at the hands of a stronger opponent.

---

While Naruto knew the basics for life, it took him several weeks to observe shinobi enough to understand the vital needs they had for their life. Watching the newbies wouldn't give him any ideas since they needed to improve in everything, and the jounins knew when someone (or at least when it was just him) was watching, so they wouldn't give off any show of weaknesses for him to find an improvement or a weakness from. So he watched chuunin since the ANBU that guarded him whenever he wasn't at the Hokage tower tended to stay out of sight. However if he got caught by whatever chuunin he was stalking and they got ideas about a "defenseless demon" alone in the woods, the ANBU would silently show up somewhere behind the child and stare down the person until they decided that challenging an elite ninja was a bad idea.

At least he watched them when he could. Taijustu was taking up way more time than he had thought. Gai was a… weird person. Old Man Hokage said "eccentric" or some other fancy word, but Naruto was far shorter with his vocabulary, so Gai was simply "weird." However, the man knew more about fighting with his hands than most people know about their significant others. It was odd to Naruto that the man was still a ninja and not an instructor at the academy. While it was apparent to Gai right off the bat that Naruto's education had more than likely been deliberately sabotaged (He figured that there was a 90 percent chance of a deliberate sabotage by false information, and a 10 percent chance that it was sabotaged by a lack of teaching altogether.), Naruto himself figured that his method was rusty from lack of attention.

When Gai called an end to their practice spar (Naruto had not even touched the man. Even as he pushed himself to move faster as the fight went on, the leotard clad man seemed to dance _just _out of the way each time.) he announced that Naruto should "never quit his youthful ways!" but that he should forget everything he had ever learned about fighting. He threw punches incorrectly, over extended himself on his strikes, threw himself off balance by dodging incorrectly, and knew nothing about anticipating attacks. The only compliment that Gai had was that he was totally unpredictable, which was infinitely better to fighting with a set style that an opponent could memorize and defeat.

And so he learned. Gai practically twisted his legs into the stance he wanted them to always be and told Naruto that since chakra was used in his Iron Fist style of combat, that he would teach ancient martial arts that were lost to ninja, but were still used by samurai who wanted to integrate extra hits into their style. When Gai was asked why he couldn't just join one of the samurai dojos, Gai replied, "All samurai are sworn to their lords who pay for their training. If you joined a dojo, you would be required to serve that lord for the rest of your life or quit and be disgraced as a ronin. It is the ultimate shame for a samurai to leave or be told to leave his lord." Naruto had no more questions about samurai after that.

Working with Kempo was a little weird for the kid. The style was designed around sword play after it had been adapted from weaponless combat. Even samurai lost or had their swords destroyed (rare though the occurrence was since they generally wore three blades: the main katana, shorter wakizashi, and dagger-like tanto) and needed some sort of empty handed combat style. Naruto made a note to himself to get either a wakizashi or a tanto since he was barred from owning ninja equipment like the ninjato or kunai due to his newly minted civilian status. While it was relatively versatile, Gai only taught him how to hit critical points on the body that could disable someone with a hit or two to allow him time to get away from his attacker. (Or, a morbid thought ran through the boy's mind, time for him to stab the man to death and end the attack. He wasn't going to let someone get away with hurting him again.)

---

Sealing, Naruto decided, was extremely boring while sitting in the training ground at the Hokage's house. It was extremely useful for someone in his position, but some of the stuff wasn't practical for him. An exploding tag was cool, but since he couldn't put the chakra into the tag to detonate it, it was useless to him. Doodling a chakra siphon seal around the activation seal he held the tag in his hand for a minute before crumpling it up and throwing it over his shoulder. He went back to practicing his seal translation. Every action guided by the seal had to be written in a way that the chakra could run through the seal in the correct manner. He 'could' write the kanji for fire on paper and run chakra through it but nothing would happen. However, if he translated fire correctly onto the paper, and added chakra, it would make a flame out of the chakra. It would be hugely inefficient and not very powerful, but it would still be flame and would still hiss… wait hiss?

Naruto turned around behind him just in time to see the sealing tag as the source of the hissing before it blew up. Thankfully he was knocked unconscious by the blast wave because the second degree burns from the explosion and the broken bones from the impact on the ground would have hurt. Seriously.

---

When Naruto awoke in the hospital, he couldn't make much out due to it all being a white blur. As he began to regain consciousness, he could feel pain on the entire front of his body and face, and along his back. Cocking his head very slightly to the side, he could hear people talking next to the bed.

"I told you Hokage-sama; the boy's coils could NOT channel chakra, even the demon's, which is why he is not healing at his previous rapid rate. We will heal him and then he will be free to go. He actually needs to stay in the hospital this time rather than being fine and escaping."

"Alright. Make sure he gets treated and not attacked."

"Jiji…"

"Naruto are you ok?"

"I feel like shit…"

"Naruto just rest, I will get you a book to read or something, but make sure you rest so you can get back out of here ok?"

"Can I have the book I was reading when I got put in here?"

The Hokage sighed and looked down at that comment. "I am not allowing you to study that topic anymore."

"WHAT?!? I will…"

"NOT contradict me! You nearly died doing a very dangerous practice, an art that has killed masters of their craft, much less unsupervised children!!! You will not be allowed to have that book and you will not pursue the craft again. You may use what you have learned, it is not like I can stop you, but you will not experiment with new ideas you may or may not get. PERIOD. Do not challenge me on this."

Naruto could do nothing except stare at the man in shock. He quickly got over the shock, opened his mouth to retaliate before closing it, and glared at the Third Hokage before turning and staring out the window.

---

"Carefully. I need to do these things carefully. Screw the old man, I will do what I need to survive. I need to find somewhere to do this without getting caught. Also, I need to be able to do this safely. If I get into the hospital, the Old Man will find out why. Damn, why does this have to be so complicated? If I get hurt or get caught, then it is all over. I can use armor and metal plates for shielding around the areas where I am experimenting, but I can't get that stuff with me being who I am. And I can't be seen because I will get in HUGE amounts of trouble. The Hokage was risking enough by letting me, a mere civilian, look at books like those seal manuals. If I could use chakra, I could sneak the stuff I needed, but that was the problem in the first place. I can't use henge, and no one would believe a non-chakra disguise in this town. I can't even use a seal cover beca…

Naruto blinked.

The tag went off.

The tag, the explosive tag, had blown up.

Chakra was needed to activate the tag. Sure a tag could absorb the energy from a sapper seal, but chakra needed to be put into the activation seal to start the fuse. So the sapper seal he put around the activation seal worked?

Naruto smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all. The Old Man said that he couldn't do sealing beyond what he already knew? That's fine. He couldn't be a shinobi? That's fine too. Kids pretend to be stuff that they aren't all the time. But in a ninja village, you have to watch everyone just to make sure that the people you think are real, really are, because pretending to be someone you are not is part of shinobi life.

---

Author Note:

Kempo is not my strong martial art suit, so give me a break. I am a student of Iaido, but I have little experience in the strikes that can be incorporated into Kendo. Kendo is sword fighting as a large scale art (like samurai wars- hundreds of guys swinging swords, trying to kill each other) and Iaido is quick, precise killing with the sword, mostly by using battojutsu (the drawing of the sword from the saya [scabbard].). One time drawing the sword and within seconds the other guy is bleeding to death in the street, not hacking away at each other.

If you have questions/comments just send them, but remember, I don't bow to the masses. You can suggest something, but I may not use it. If it is a problem, I will try to fix it, or I will leave a note about why it needs to be that way. Remember, this is a dictatorship for everyone but me, including the laws of nature. You are the taters and I'm the dick. That's just the way I roll.

Note, I said the laws of nature. The laws of copyrights still apply. I own nothing at all. NOTHING.


	2. The Man With The Itachi Mask

A second chapter to the Tech Naruto story. I liked the idea, so here is the second part of it.

---

(Previously)

Naruto smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all. The Old Man said that he couldn't do sealing beyond what he already knew? That's fine. He couldn't be a shinobi? That's fine too. Kids pretend to be stuff that they aren't all the time. But in a ninja village, you have to watch everyone just to make sure that the people you think are real, really are, because pretending to be someone you are not is part of shinobi life.

---

Chapter 2

The Man with the Itachi Mask

Writing the seal for henge wasn't hard. But doing this stupid technique under a seal was impossible. Naruto remembered how the jutsu felt when he had used it before, and it was nothing like this. This technique let loose a wisp of chakra that seemed like it wanted to cover him from sight when it was supposed to form a shell like last time. As he kept fooling around, the seal pushed out a perfect film of chakra around him, with a color image on the outside of the film… what was that? Some kind of cheap henge imitation(1)? That couldn't fool anyone, it was obvious that chakra was being used and anyone could wave their hand through it and find out that it was fake. No one could possibly buy that.

He had copied the hand seals for the technique into the seal directly from the academy book… it should have been perfect. He must have gotten a book that was sabotaged by the teachers or something. He remembered that Iruka-sensei was confused when he had done the handseals for the first time in class, but had apparently shrugged off his confusion when it worked. He had done the technique right before… right? He tried to remember how he had done it before… wasn't there more hand seals(2)? He had started to do the technique without some of the seals, and once without them at all, so it had been a long time since he had done the whole sequence. And… yeah. That was it. Writing the sequence down, attaching the sapper seal, and waiting for the charge… Naruto wandered about what his overall goal was. Revenge? Humiliation? What did he want from the people who had destroyed his livelihood and had almost taken his life? Acceptance? He snorted and threw that idea out the window.

Blinking out of his thoughts, he activated the seal and felt the usual feeling of something pulling over his body. Success! At least, until he looked into the mirror and realized that he did not look like Kotetsu, but a complete mess. He was going to need to work on it.

A little way off, an Anbu watched with interest. While the last Anbu was an idiot, and thought the boy was coloring, Uchiha Itachi knew what the boy was doing and was proven correct when he started trying the techniques out. He watched with only moderate interest as the boy worked through mastering a seal henge, but was piqued when the boy stopped what he was doing in disgust and started writing again. And he nearly fell out of the tree he had been watching from as he saw the true technique the boy had been working on. Shisui, his family, his fangirls, his enemies, and anyone else who knew the young Anbu captain would have paid outrageous amounts of money to see the shocked look on Itachi's face, but no one was around to take the picture.

'A true henge, a complete transformation of the body and not an illusion. He obviously cannot control what it looks like on the outside, but if he could he would be unstoppable. I cannot tell that THAT isn't what he looks like, except that NO ONE looks like that. This technique would be completely invaluable to any shinobi who had access to it. I wonder if he would be willing…'

Itachi pondered his next move while watching the boy before him not opening the door to his future, but knocking down an entire wall to it.

---

By the time Itachi had changed duty shifts with Inu ([Dog] who was several hours late to said shift), the boy had worn himself out working on his technique. It had taken almost all of Itachi's shift and part of Inu's shift (who was late) but he had finally passed out. He managed to seal all of his work before he fell face-first to the ground, but he exhausted himself. Itachi had gotten the boy home to sleep it off before Inu got there for the night watch. He merely nodded and walked past as Inu shrugged and pulled out an orange book for the night. His giggles didn't wake the boy, but he kept them quiet anyway.

---

The next day, Naruto returned to his spot to train after his morning training (Read: Beating) with Gai and was in the process of pulling his materials out when a voice made him freeze in his tracks.

"You might want to be careful about when you do this work. Some of the Anbu who watch you do not have a clue, but I know that you are doing seal work against Sarutobi-sama's orders. If anyone were to know what you were doing you would be punished."

Naruto turned to see an Anbu in an Itachi (Weasel) mask staring at him. He began to wrack his brain for some way out of this when the Anbu spoke again.

"I will not report you."

Naruto's brain screeched to a derailed train wreck (not far from his previously normal thought pattern) and couldn't help but blurt out, "What?"

"I will go against my professionalism and orders and I will not report you."

"… why would you do this? Not many people like me and I have nothing that you would want that would benefit you if you did not report me," a very cautious Naruto spoke in a quiet tone.

"……. Because you have done something impossible. I wish to see if you can do it again without help and without getting caught."

And as the Anbu swirled out of sight, Naruto was left wondering just what the hell he was talking about, who the guy was, and how he was going to get this jutsu to work now that he knew someone was watching.

---

Working on the henge without chakra was incredibly hard. He had gotten the form to project on him correctly, but the shape that it was in was wrong. Each time the shape would end up being a round humanoid figure without having color. It reminded Naruto of the little man shape on the door to a bathroom. Sure he could make the jutsu, but he couldn't perfect using it.

When chakra had moved through his body, his will determined how it would look on the outside of his henge with his own will power. Now that he was disconnected from his chakra, he couldn't enforce his will upon the energy to make it move in the pattern he wanted it to.

Thinking upon the problem he wondered what made it react to how he thought. It obviously had to be part of him that told the chakra what to do right? He had a random vision of a man herding sheep with "chakra" painted on the side of them before he shook his head. He remembered one of the things he learned in class was that genjutsu could control the mind and the senses and wondered if maybe the reverse could be true. He would have to make a jutsu that controlled how the chakra around him was made to move and to reflect color… but then he would have to make the genjutsu take on the same properties… to make it trick the chakra within the body, it would have to be controlled using will power too. It was a cycle that the poor boy could not see a way out of, especially without help.

He morbidly joked with himself that maybe cutting out a piece of his brain and sticking it on the seal would be enough to control the technique, but had no problem seeing how stupid of an idea THAT was.

Having hit his limit for the day, he packed his stuff and went to get some food.

---

A rather put out Naruto walked to his usual place of food induced rapture, Teuchi and Ayame's ramen stand, he ignored the adults watching him suspiciously or with malice. He arrived and was soon devouring his favorite meal (albeit the only meal he could actually afford) and conversing with the only two people he could consider to be his friends on the whole earth.

"Ha! If you made a stack of ramen my size I could TOTALLY eat it! Never underestimate the ramen mast-" and was cut off by Teuchi's spoon hitting him on the top of the head and knocking him face-first into his ramen.

"No young one I am the ramen master because I rule this shop and therefore-" was all the shop owner got out before his daughter's fist knocked him headfirst into the counter.

"You both are wrong. I cook this stuff so you are both under MY power. Now that that small matter has been resolved, I believe you Naruto. But I also believe that YOU are the only human sized ramen sample that exists. Why I wouldn't be surprised if you popped one day and instead we would have actual naruto(3) hitting us, with broth 'blood' everywhere. I swear that you eat it so much that it is actually a part of you now."

And at that the group broke down into helpless laughter.

---

On his way home, Naruto had something bothering him. He couldn't quite place it, but something about his day that threw him off. He guessed that with that Anbu that talked to him last week that something weird had to happen this week too. But he couldn't place just what it was that was wrong. Shrugging, he went to bed.

5 hours later, he sat bolt upright screaming, "Oh my Kami!!!" causing the Anbu on guard to burst into the room. As he noticed no threat, but saw Naruto hitting his head repeatedly on the nightstand, he simply put a pillow under the boy's head in between the hits and moved to leave. As he got to the door, a voice behind him asked him to get the 'Itachi' Anbu(4) to talk to him tomorrow. Tori was a little puzzled by the request, but nodded and disappeared back into the night.

---

"Make it part of me… make me part of it… how could I be so STUPID?!?!?!..."

Itachi sweat-dropped a little. 'Wasn't he an idiot like 3 weeks ago? He has been doing stupid stuff forever, why is he freaking out now? Wait a second, I smell blood.'

Looking around cautiously with sharingan, he located the blood… coming from Naruto. More specifically his hand. But it was all OVER the stuff he was working on… what was the boy _doing_?

---

Naruto wondered if 'Itachi' was watching. Naruto figured the Anbu was, but didn't want to interfere before he could be sure of what Naruto might be up to. Apparently his prankster reputation was still strong. He smirked. Maybe _this_ trick would pull the man out of hiding.

"Henge."

---

He stared. He couldn't really help it, but the undeniable proof was standing there in front of him with his own body. He softly walked out of hiding and up to the apparent twin of him, who turned to meet him. For once in his life Uchiha Itachi was completely dumbfounded to the point of speechlessness and unprofessionalism as he took off his mask to stare at what this… _kid_… had done. And it was even _more_ disconcerting to see the transformed boy _take OFF_ his mask and have the face copied too, down to the shocked look and everything.

"Well Itachi-san… is the impossible good enough for you yet?" It was startling to hear his own voice ask him a question when he didn't even move.

"This is… perfect… how did you fix the control issues?"

The Itachi look alike gave a laugh and scratched the back of his head nervously before 'poofing' back into Naruto. "Well… since blood is part of me, I decided to try to see if I could use it to write the seal with and try to gain some control over it that way. After all chakra exists in all parts of the body right?"

Itachi had certainly not heard anything saying that it was possible, but at the same time could never remember anyone saying that it _wasn't_ possible either. He looked up to see Naruto waiting, likely for a reply to a question.

"I apologize, what did you ask?" Itachi asked, pulling the mask back on.

"I wanted to know if you could possibly help me with some stuff since you are kinda on my side in this. I mean, I know you aren't on my _side_, on my side, but you aren't _against_ me either."

"I cannot help you with seal work… even on the level that you do it. It is not something I have studied."

"That's ok!!! That part is easy, cause I can figure that stuff out on my own! I just need help making new techniques to put on this and then to find a way to sell it!"

'Seal work is easy? They call him a complete failure at being a ninja, which in all actuality I guess he was, but he understands seals better than I do with only weeks of study? What else, I wonder, could the boy do with a push/help in the right direction and the imagination, luck, or whatever else he has going for him?'

"… I am not sure you what you know about making techniques or about running a business or anything else. In fact, I am pretty sure you know _nothing_ about them. But you are young, so that is to be expected. However, I can see power within you and a drive to right those lacks of knowledge within you. I think I know just the thing to get you started, but I need permission to do it first."

He scribbled down a set of things to do on a piece of paper and handed it to Naruto.

"Do everything on that sheet of paper until I can get my authorization to pull this plan off. If it works, you are going to have a much better style of life ahead of you. For today though, I suggest that we should go to the park to play because if everything goes as planned then starting tomorrow you are going to be busting your ass for the rest of your life."

Naruto stared at him for a second, glanced down at the sheet, and looked back up at his guardian. He smiled, nodded, and tried to get the stoic Uchiha to take off his mask and "lighten up" on their way to the park.

---

(1) This is the real henge. It is merely an illusion. What Naruto does is like putting on a second flesh in the size/shape of who he is changing into. Think Mission Impossible 2 when they keep changing faces. Perfectly real, but you can "take it off" by stopping the chakra.

(2) No in this story he was not. I believe that Perfect Lionheart had the idea of the "true" henge first, but kudos to whoever really did it. His education was sabotaged early on, receiving false information on how to do techniques. The true technique is only a few signs (6 I think) and his is 11, meaning extra steps and effects were added.

(3) Naruto's name is said the same, but in Japanese there are more than one systems of writing. The name "Naruto" (in what I think is called Kanji writing) given by the creators means 'Maelstrom.' However in another type of writing (I cannot remember the name) "Naruto" refers to a ramen topping.

(4) Naruto doesn't know that Uchiha Itachi is under the mask, but the mask he wears is shaped like a weasel. Japanese-English 'Itachi'='Weasel'


	3. Weasel Your Way Outta This

Well, I got a lot of reviews from the last chapter, so I guess that I need to make another before I forget what the rest of this story was going to be.

---

(Previously)

Naruto stared at him for a second, glanced down at the sheet, and looked back up at his guardian. He smiled, nodded, and tried to get the stoic Uchiha to take off his mask and "lighten up" on their way to the park.

---

Chapter 3

Weasel Your Way Outta This

'Itachi' and Naruto had a wonderful time at the park and stayed until Naruto got hungry. Itachi had stationed several shadow clones around the area to watch (he was on guard duty after all) and figured that Inu was going to be late again. They had eaten some of his mother's soup out of a thermos, the object had fascinated Naruto ("Is there a fire on the inside? How does it stay hot?") leading to a trip to the library so that Itachi could explain it in a way that Naruto could understand.

'It was sad,' Itachi thought, 'that he could take such pleasure in someone's company for an afternoon, even going to the park or a library. Places that were normal for me to go to by the time I was his age.' When the older librarian tried to run off the boy at the beginning, a flash of Sharingan eyes from a shadow clone and the woman was napping in a storage closet. However one of the younger librarians was apparently in the Uchiha Itachi fan club and recognized the Anbu despite his uniform and mask. Her over the top affection displays were about to drive the Uchiha boy into a homicidal lunatic with clan killing tendencies before Naruto suggested that he recruit her to "help" his mission in a way that "only she could." The young woman's resulting nosebleed ruined all of books in the Icha Icha area of the library, causing a mysterious, grey haired, and man shaped blur to grab the book, cremate them, and have a funeral before anyone could see who it was.

While Itachi finally got Naruto to understand how a thermos worked ("Oh, so it shields the stuff inside from the hot or cold outside and has heat or cold seals on it to help!") but decided to leave the library before he had to explain why the cold water Naruto had poured into the soup didn't stay cold ("It says it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold! Why didn't it work?"). Itachi checked out a children's story book, a shinobi's children story book, and, at Naruto's request, a simple "How things work" book on the way out. Since there were no librarians to help the check out process, Itachi simply created an account for Naruto to check books out under a falsified identity.

Looking down at the screen, Kamikaze Tensai(1) was registered having an account set up three days prior and copies of the books in Naruto's hands have been checked out at that time. Not a bad bit of 'creative accounting' Itachi mused to himself, but at least now Naruto could come check out books by himself without being hassled. He had already convinced himself that Naruto needed a way to get the things he needed to live and have a persona that had a new start. He just needed to forge the Hokage's records…

---

"Itachi, I hope you can explain yourself in this matter."

It wasn't everyday that you got to see the Hokage pissed, but Itachi hoped he never had to see a day like this again… but if his plan was to work, he guessed that telling the Hokage _beforehand_ **might** have been a good idea.

"I caught you faking documents concerning a citizen in my village, one who does not exist, in my personal records. If I didn't KNOW any better I would assume that you were preparing an identity for a mole, sleeper agent, or spy somewhere in this village. But I am _sure_ you have a perfectly logical reason for doing this."

While Sarutobi's words were spoken in an almost laughing tone, the look he was giving Itachi said 'Explain. Right the fuck NOW.'

Itachi thought about it. What was the best way to get rid of his problems and present his plan all at the same time?

"I want to kill Uzumaki Naruto."

---

A small update, but one nonetheless. I am guessing that most people are going to guess where I am going with this story/plot of Itachi's. I apologize for the shortness, but I needed to clear this out of my head and onto print… plus, I have always wanted to do a cliffhanger.

(1) I chose this name because of what 'Naruto' means. A maelstrom is a swirling vortex of water… a place where water and air are chaotically almost one. Tensai is a translation meaning "horizon" a place where water and air calmly meet, symbolically showing his change from his old nature to a calmer one. However it has other meanings including "natural calamity/disaster" and "genius/prodigy." Quite fitting for what I have planned for him if I say so myself. Kamikaze is Japanese for "heavenly wind," which I chose as a close play on his real name of Namikaze (Rough translation: wind coming off the waves) which is unknown to either character at this time.


	4. One Step Forward, One Step Back

New! Partially Improved! Or at least, not a bad story! The newest chapter has arrived! Yeah, I know it takes me a while to get new chapters out. *Checks.* Hm… still my most popular story and it has been since mid-July, last time I updated this story. However, I did update Rei Tantei, so that counts for something right? *Looks at the sour faces.* No? Ok then. On to the story!

I STILL own NOTHING.

---

(Previously)

Itachi thought about it. What was the best way to get rid of his problems and present his plan all at the same time?

"I want to kill Uzumaki Naruto."

---

Chapter 4

One Step Forward, One Step Back

'He couldn't even give me time to explain myself could he?' were one of the few thoughts running through the Uchiha prodigy's mind as the Hokage cleared the desk in his office, lifted Itachi up by the neck with a single withered hand, and was crushing the life out of him… all without Itachi ever seeing that the elderly man had ever moved.

"…Explain…" he tried to gasp out at least that word to save himself but it came out moderately garbled… mostly by the hand around his throat. 'I need to train more,' Itachi thought as he started seeing spots, 'Seriously, I never even saw him move. He is the Hokage for a reason, but seriously, I have got to speed up my reactions without Sharingan. It's not like they are an end-all supreme power or anything, I mean who believes that? (Somewhere in the village, Sasuke sneezes, has his hiding place revealed, and is glomped by thousands of fan girls.) If I get out of this, I have GOT to train harder.'

Before he passed out, he was dropped to the floor.

"I will give you one and only _ONE_ chance. You have this chance to save yourself; I suggest you do not waste it."

As he lay gasping on the floor Itachi thanked the heavens above and was trying to clear his mind from the recent lack of oxygen to explain himself in a way that would make sense and (hopefully) keep him alive.

"Naruto gets attacked way too much. If he dies in the eyes of the populace then he can live a safe life anonymously. But now that the civilians know that he has no chakra and that he isn't protected by the 'Never attack a shinobi' rule, it's like there's an open season on the boy. He has already lost too much, at least let him have some peace." Itachi was praying harder than Jiraiya did when Tsunade caught him peeping on her, hoping that his plea at the end distracted the Hokage enough to let him off with his life.

The Hokage was very still for a few moments looking out at the village. When he reached for the security seals under his desk Itachi was sure that he was going to sound proof the room to prevent the screams from escaping and that he was going to die. 'Oh man, I'm only 12(1), I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have a good sword (2), I'm still a virgin, my dad looks at other guys funny, my little brother is stupid, I haven't gotten drunk and arrested for underage public intoxication, and I am going to die right now for trying to do the right thing for someone who has lost it all… well this sucks.'

"Itachi, I said for you to please sit down. I know you have recovered enough and you should stop cowering and listen to me. NOW."

Itachi clung to that chair like a guardian angel. How he did so while sitting on it will forever remain a mystery.

"I know that he has suffered at the hands of the people of this village. I know. But he can't disappear."

"Hokage-sama, I don't mean to seem rude… but _why_? He is miserable here in his current state. I have no doubt that as a shinobi his life could have gotten better, but why keep him here now when there is no use for him, militarily speaking?"

"We have to keep him here because of the demon he contains. If the other shinobi nations find out we have lost our demon, especially the strongest demon, they will no doubt try to kill him to plant the demon in their own host, a host that could use chakra. That is just the threat to him personally. For the village's security we cannot let him leave simply because his presence is a deterrent to the other demon hosts from the other countries. He may not be able to channel chakra or youki, but if he was attacked by another demon host, I can assure you that Kyuubi will take steps to insure its survival, especially defeating a demon that is invading its territory. The boy must stay here in a public manner. He cannot disappear and he cannot leave the country. I am sorry Itachi, but this is the way it must be."

Itachi couldn't help but to stare. "Hokage-sama I don't think this is going to work. A single Anbu cannot defend him from the sheer amount of people trying to hurt him when they form mobs and much less when other shinobi get in on it. Even I can be hard pressed, especially on days like his birthday. What kind of kid should have to live through that?"

The Hokage exploded. "DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THE HORRIBLE THINGS HE HAS TO LIVE THROUGH? I HATE THE LIFE HE HAS TO LIVE. I HATE WHAT WE HAVE TO LEAVE HIM TO, BUT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO!!!... if he still had chakra, I could protect him, but his civilian status puts him under the council's jurisdiction, especially with his orphaned status. And there is no way that they will protect him as I have done these years. I paid for the guard missions for him over the years… with Sarutobi family money once my yearly Hokage salary was used up. I did what I could to help, but it is beyond me now. He is out of my reach and if I were to try to interfere with matters outside of my sphere of control then other interested parties could too. We would have a civil war on our hands and unless I could go around the laws there is no way to avoid it. I'm sorry Itachi. It seems like that's all I am anymore."

With that, the Hokage waved his hand at Itachi to dismiss him and turned to watch the village with a heavy sigh of grief. Itachi left, trying to figure out how he was going to salvage the life of the one he guarded.

---

On the other side of town, a young shinobi with a burnt reddish-orange(3) colored hair walked into an armor store.

'I hope Itachi was right about me not getting caught.' Naruto thought. He may still look like a kid, but darn it, he was going to need shinobi clearance to buy the stuff Itachi said he needed.

"Hello can I help you?" a kindly looking store owner in an smith's apron asked.

Naruto took a quick look around the store and seeing nothing but shelves of dark metal and a single girl running around to each item with stars in her eyes. "Oh I am just looking for now, but I will need to buy some stuff later. Do you think your daughter could show me around?"

The man seemed to wilt before his eyes. "Well I know that she could show you around, but she isn't my daughter. She is an orphan, from the Kyuubi attack I guess, and she comes in here to stare at the weapons. She claims to want to be a weaponry master, and with as obsessed as she is, I can believe it."

"Oh." It was a much more sobered Naruto that spoke this time. 'Someone else hurt by that stupid thing…' "So you wouldn't mind if I got her to show me around?"

"Ha, not as long as she agrees and if you find something to buy here."

As Naruto walked over, the girl had become entranced by the sight of a set of kunai with a blood grieve in them and missed his first call to her.

"Miss? ... Miss? … Miiiissss…"

Being ignored was NOT something Naruto took too kindly to. This called for drastic measures.

"Wow what a nice pair of buns on that girl with the pink shirt."

*Slap.*

"What? Who are you? You said that right?"

Female indignation apparently conquered everything, even when the said female wasn't aware of what was happening around her.

"Itai… yeah I said it. I only did because nothing else I was trying worked! And I was meaning your hair… what were you thinking?" It was a bluff, and Naruto prayed it worked.

The girl opened her mouth to retort, but quickly stopped and blushed when his last comment hit home. "Ok, maybe that was a bit much… what did you need me for?"

'She bought it! Quick, answer before she gets suspicious!' Naruto replied, "Oh! The old man at the counter said you can show me around since you know all about this stuff. I was looking at some large plate armor, some standard kunai, you know the works for a new shinobi!"

"Armor plates? Sound more like a samurai to me." The girl was definitely more knowledgeable about weapons than others his age.

"Not for body armor, for a workshop slash training area that I am building! I am testing new seals and stuff and if doesn't work, then it could blow up and kill me… at the best! Plus my friend wants to train against some training dummies that don't get destroyed as easily, so maybe I will need some plate armor after all… heh heh…" Naruto scratched the back of his head in an abashed sort of way.

"OH! I get it! So you want like a metal wall to hide behind in case it goes boom right?" She looked rather happy that she finally had figured out what he was after.

"Well, not just metal. I was thinking about making kunai that explode and some that have dual explosions… one explosion to pierce _through_ armor and the second one to explode _inside_ the armored target so that no one will…" Naruto stopped talking. 'Was there a draft in here?' He turned to his immediate left and saw her standing within an inch of him with wide, shining eyes.

"You want to make… _armor piercing_ kunai? As your first idea? The starting point for your workshop?"

"…yes… Are you ok? You look like you are about to hyperventilate and pass ou…"

*Thunk!*

"Aw man." Naruto looked up at the shop owner across the store and yelled out, "Hey can I get some help here?"

---

(1) Naruto was 12 in canon when he graduated. At the time Itachi was 18. In this story Naruto is about 5-6, so it is logical that Itachi is about 12. Depending on which month it is of course.

(2) A moderate joke on my part. In real life, a guy might think all sorts of things as he dies, maybe that he doesn't have a cool car/girlfriend/a million dollars, or that maybe using his bike on that ramp into the lake _wasn't_ such a good idea after all. In this universe, cars don't exist, so what other shiny thing do young male shinobi have to desire? A cool sword of course.

(3) His mother had red hair and orange is his favorite color… plus a burnt orange isn't nearly as hard on the eyes as bright orange is, so he is not as likely to have others connect him (the Tensai look) to his Naruto persona. He has a mix of yellow hair from his dad and red from his mom… orange.


End file.
